I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
