just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize