Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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