Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
