My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize