he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I would fuck him just for his dog
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
