OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
