Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
