You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
