It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
