you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
