mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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