So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize