how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
