Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's blow job season.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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