can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
