Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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