There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
