She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize