is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
