Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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