You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
