If i come over, it means nothing
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
