Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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