also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
