Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
