Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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