i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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