You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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