normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
