therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
