I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
