She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize