Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
