found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
