Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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