Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Four minutes until I can fart!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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