I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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