Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
