My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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