You just made me feel so damn special
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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