Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
