you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
