Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
