She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
