the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
