Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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