Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
