I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
