Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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