So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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