i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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