I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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