I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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