She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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