did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
