oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
