I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize