Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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