"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
