hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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