when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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