ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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