I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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