Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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