I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
