If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
