I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize