I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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