So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
