In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This is not my ceiling
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
