I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So much rum. So many feels.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
