If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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