come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
