Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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