Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize