you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my phone needs a breathalizer
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
