Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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