White coat. Heels.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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