he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
