i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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