Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
