Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
