she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
