i just wanna soil my oats bro
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
