I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
