I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
