Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
