Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
