maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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