I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
